Big sister and little sister!

We had our gender reveal party yesterday since my Mom was in town for her consulting job. I don't expect to get a baby shower but I did want to celebrate in some small way that I could organize, so gender reveal it was!  I provided all food and onesies and fabric paint to decorate, the same as I'd done for my friend Cheryl's baby shower a year ago.  Plus, for this baby we have family and friends who care about kids, unlike last time, lol, so it was nice to have a party. It was a small get together, my mom, mother in law and her husband (step father in law), sister in law and her husband and our friends with their two kids. 

My awesome cake that I ordered from a local bakery. It was only $20 and was absolutely delicious!!

Strawberry flavor for the pink!  Everyone's reaction when I lifted the slice out was just perfect! 

Decorating onesies!

Drying and 'curing'

And now individual photos of each, some have a front/back. It's such a great activity and you get some really personal touches from friends and family!

My supplies included a spray fabric paint, thick fabric markers and narrow point fabric markers and various stencils.  I had a plastic lined tablecloth to protect my table and cardboard to slide between the shirts so the paint wouldn't bleed through.

One of mine, done with the spray type paint and a stencil

Top is front, bottom is back. Made by my mom friend that I met through a reddit group when we were both pregnant with our first kids at the same time.  The paper airplane is the group's logo.

Another I made that I'm not happy with. I should have verified a good flesh tone....

Made by my friend's three year old. I love it!

Top is front, bottom is back. Husband made this one. He was aiming for geekier but couldn't condense the message, lol

My final one. It says WILD at the top

Sister in law made this one. She did an excellent job with the stenciling!

I think Kaylee made this one with help from Nana

This I know that Kaylee made with assistance from me and Nana to work the spray. She chose the colors and the stencil.

Step father in law made this one.

Top is front, bottom is back. My mom (Nana) made this one. She knows kids. LOLOLOLOL. We will forever do double takes when Babydos wears this onesie because of diaper blowouts. She nailed the color.

Sister in law's husband did this, but I did the lettering at his request.

Mother in law (Grandma) made this one. She runs. I like the idea she used with the starfish!

Top is front, bottom is back

Sister in law also did this one. She's a big MSU fan and alumna

I loved how we were able to introduce Babydos, Hazel Ophelia, to our family this way. It was a low key, low stress, no obligation kind of party for a second kid. I stressed that no one needed to bring anything in the invitation.

We had polled family at Thanksgiving to get their prediction and Boy was the majority winner for guesses (from myself and Eric too!) Our clothing choices for the party were under intense scrutiny, and the fact that even my hair elastics were both blue and pink was a cause of great distress, much to my amusement.

Mental Health

It's a little scary how necessary horses have become in my life. When I didn't have Gwyn immediately following our move to Michigan, things seemed hopeless and awful and I hated everything. As soon as Gwyn got here, I was so much better. Really, as soon as I had that weekend of camping at the endurance ride things got better.

Now, despite staying a part of horsey activities, like the Distance Derby meetup, I'm finding that I'm still falling apart and fraying at the edges. Last month I had crazy anxiety about the birth that I was able to simmer down and feel reassured after meeting with one of the midwives.

But yesterday, after meeting with the OB again, I had a breakdown before I was able to even leave the office. The poor nurses who found me, they kept asking if I was alright, if my appointment went well, if the baby was okay. And yes, everything was outwardly fine and I couldn't explain why I was sobbing uncontrollably.

Personally, I think it's a combination of a lot of things that are all piling together, one or two of them alone I could handle, but all of them is a recipe for disaster.

1. I do not trust medical doctors. This goes back several years to when I was considering starting the process for bariatric surgery. We had just moved to Washington and I went to establish care with a new primary physician. I laid out the difficulty I had with losing weight, the strategies I was trying and what my general diet was like.

I was told to stop drinking soda. I did not drink soda. It soured me, but not fully until I went to have a well woman check for a pap smear. I was intrigued by the concept that I could use a midwife for those check ups and made an appointment. The person I had looked into was on maternity leave, instead I met with her substitute, Elias, also a midwife. He looked at my history, saw that I had mentioned my science background and thought that was cool and proceeded to talk to me and send me science journal articles to support the advice he had given me. I talked to him about my same concerns, my heavy period, trouble losing weight, and he helped me come up with a game plan and strategies we could try, different foods to focus on once he had a hormone panel back that showed slight irregularities.

I followed his advice and suddenly I was successful with my weight loss, without adding in any more exercise. That experience was so positive, I drove out of my way to use him for my prenatal care when I became pregnant with Kaylee. He was worth it to me. Even later, seeing more doctors about similar weight issues and minor stuff, I kept feeling like I was being brushed off, or talked at. So I wouldn't really bother going in for stuff for me.

It's probably why I waited so long for my leg pain.

2. That damn leg pain. Somehow I think I still haven't fully processed the bilateral PEs and my DVT. I feel fine, just as healthy as before, only now I have medicine I take twice a day. It's either that or I resent how this has changed my life. Michigan was supposed to be awesome where I could just go out and ride and I can't do that.

3. Not riding. This is killing me more than I care to admit. With this most recent breakdown I talked with Eric and we're taking a position of "my mental health needs to take priority right now".

So screw the blood thinners. I'm going for a ride today. Bareback, in the arena, at no more than a walk, and probably no more than 20 minutes. But I need it. Just making the decision that I would do that today has perked me up considerably. Screw the doctors. I warned them this was going to be bad for me. I TOLD THEM when I met them.



That all being said, I'm fairly certain I was triggered at my appointment, in a very subtle way. At my previous midwife appointment we worked out a plan where I could ask to alternate care with OB and midwives in the practice, rather than doing only OB. I was told I would be 'allowed' to see the midwives if he, the OB, was in the office at the time of the appointment.

I asked about monitoring my blood glucose rather than taking the gestational diabetes test and he very begrudgingly told me maybe, if I tracked a couple days to show that I was doing okay on the glucose monitor (which I now need to dig up and make sure it works).  In pressing to assert the kind of care I want and received with Elias last time, I was chided because my 'condition' was very serious and DVTs and bilateral PEs are not something to take lightly.

Fuck dude. I UNDERSTAND THAT. I just feel like all control has been taken from me. I'm trying to snatch it back in bits and pieces. Work with me, explain why, come up with a plan with me, don't just tell me what to do because I'm going to dig my heels in if you do.

Anyway, I asked to talk to Joanne, the other midwife, who was thankfully in the office that day. I explained a lot of this to her. And she got it. She talked me through some things that I was worried about (induction, mainly) and I did feel better at the end.

I don't know that they realized how serious this is to me. And how much Eric and I have been strategizing labor. We're laboring as much as we can at home. If we go in and are sent back we're going to just go and walk around a nearby mall depending on the weather. We're semi-seriously joking about delivering at the mall because we'll probably wait too long. Eric gets me and he's going to be an excellent advocate for me, just like he was with Kaylee. I trust him wholly and completely.

So, now excuse me while I go throw my middle fingers to the sky and all my medical care team, screaming FUCK YOU while I ride my horse.

Because they'd all have an aneurism if they found out.

A day of adulting!

Spine and head, profile

Foot

Grandma (Eric's Mom) took Kaylee this morning, leaving Eric and I a blissfully childfree day. We started things off with a trip down to the hospital for the anatomy scan for Babydos! Things went well, though I do find I'm constantly comparing experiences between pregnancies. This ultrasound was much more business like and we really didn't get as many images as we did with Kaylee.

We had an excellent view of the heart beating and my placenta is nice and high, in a perfect position! So no previa for me!

Babydos was HIGHLY uncooperative. S/he had her legs crossed nearly the whole time AND had both hands up by his face, effectively blocking the awesome voldemort view. We did finally get an in between the legs shot for hopefully definitive sex announcement, which will happen Saturday, so no spoilers :P

Afterwards, we went to Buy Buy Baby and picked out the appropriate Little Sister/Little Brother onesie as well as some blank ones for our name announcement party this Saturday.

Then we headed out to one of the malls in the area and grabbed lunch at a Hibachi steakhouse, walked around the mall, and caught "The Martian" in theatres before it left. We were the only ones in the theatre, which was awesome. I had read the novel, Eric had not but had expressed significant interest. We thoroughly enjoyed our private showing and agreed it reminded us of when we lived in Florida.

We took back roads home because I was hoping to catch the local bakery before it closed but alas, it was not to be. I'll go first thing tomorrow.

Eric has been feeling a bit down about Michigan, but declared that he was feeling much better. I think we really needed this all day date. It was one of the things we were hoping to have by moving here, more child care from family and that just hasn't happened until now. It was sorely needed. We are in such good spirits for having 'us' time as a couple where we don't have to be Mom or Dad.

So now I have a party to get ready for! My mom will be flying in Thursday to do her consulting work for the textbook company in Lapeer, a nearby town. This gig was entirely random and she jumped at the chance to have someone else pay to fly her out to see me. She'll leave Sunday. It's not going to be a baby shower, I've expressly stated it's just for fun to decorate onesies and have cake and announce name and sex of Babydos. Just an excuse to have everyone get together.

But as for babydos? Kaylee is going to be thrilled!

NaNoWriMo

Technically I opted in to participate in NaNoWriMo this year, to write 50,000 words within the 30 day month of November.

To give you an idea of how well I'm doing with that goal, the dashboard on my profile page has a ticker that estimates your date of completion based on your progress thus far.

My estimated date of completion is May 18, 2018.

So yeah. That went well this year. Not.

It just wasn't in the cards for me. I am making a last ditch effort to help my team for a weekend word war on the nanoljers website because of a remarkably persistent team leader who has been really following up. I admire his/her determination. And I am ever loyal to Team Clio, so write I've been doing.

Plus, I needed to do that anyway since I've got a Kickstarter reward to redeem that involves an author doing a decent edit of my novel and I need to have something to send him that won't be embarrassing and will actually be productive.

Writing since we moved to Michigan has been nonexistent, which is a little frustrating, but honestly something I only just realized. I have NO inspiration, no drive, to write creatively. It's a depressing thought. I want to write, I just... can't. Either I can't find the time or I have no idea what I want to say or how to say it. Maybe I need to work it back in as an every day chore to do, like cleaning the barn and feeding the critters.

I do wish I had done more this November. But looking back I don't know when I would have done it.

Catch up in pictures

I was a bridesmaid in my sister in law's wedding at the end of October. Observe my ridiculous bulbous bouffant and make up.  (macademia... gazebo!)

Kaylee was the most adorable flower girl ever.

I got a serger and my first project was making underwear for Kaylee

Since I reopened my right ear I decided to buy earrings to keep them open. Awesome funky purple earrings.

I voted in our local primary!

Kaylee demonstrated how good of a helper she is with feeding the critters.

She got her first ear infection. 

We had unseasonably warm November days to play outside.

I went for a hike at the local nature center and enjoyed myself immensely.

I worked on my adult coloring

On chilly weekend mornings I enjoyed a hot cup of coffee and watching my critters.

We totally jumped the gun and reassembled the crib for Babydos. Note the future nursery mess.

We cleaned and slightly rearranged Kaylee's room.

I started sanding a changing table for the nursery that I found on a facebook swap page.

More adult coloring from my mandala book.

Kaylee wanted me to draw our family.

The cats steal my snoogle. Also proof that they get along for when they don't.

Eric entombed Kaylee in wood blocks, much to her delight.

I've been making leotards for Kaylee.

Gwyn oversees Eric's work on some organizational modifications we're making to the barn.

Like a spot to store plastic t-posts that I don't need in the winter.

And new shelving to keep the feed room part of my tack room better organized.

I took Gwyn for a walk and just about died from the effort of hiking through sand. Gwyn enjoyed getting out with other horses for our trail 'ride' with friends.

I got a huge blister for my efforts. I suspect hiking boots that no longer fit.

I got awesome fabric to make more clothes that are all about girl empowerment in STEM fields.  This panel shown says "Experiment Like a Girl" and has a picture of Marie Curie. It will be for me. I have smaller ones for Kaylee as well as coordinating fabric.

The deer are cleaning up our windfall apples.

Kaylee fits in her locker at school.

She also insists on brushing her own hair after swimming in the 'inside pool'

We got our first snow storm of the season. Almost a foot of snow eventually fell!

Eric cleans my truck off for me.

Kaylee gives the baby hugs.

I enjoyed a cup of jesus hate (peppermint mocha, actually)

Selfies with Gwyn today

Kaylee wears her "Yeti Crab Sweater" 

Selfie with Saffron

Nommy lunch

More selfies with my fuzzy beast

New, WARM boots!

Christmas decorating today

Lights in the window

That darn procrastination demon strikes...

I put off/completely forgot about Kaylee's health form that needed to be filled out for preschool. Partly because it was rather involved in getting filled out and things with lots of steps sort of intimidate me into not doing anything and partly because I really don't like talking on the phone.

BUT! I finally got it done (her pretty much getting an exclusion from school kicked my butt into gear, I'm so bad at adulting)

Things I had to do to fill out a form:

Find a primary care doctor, set up appointment for weeks out because new patient appointments were booked up
Call her old pediatrician to get her vaccination records
Learn that I can't just verbally release those, I had to fax a medical release form
Get annoyed
Contemplate just getting a moral exemption to make the form simpler but feel morally opposed to taking that route when the child is FULLY vaccinated
Call old pediatrician -again- and ask about medical release, learn a doctor's office will acquire records sooner, WTF, and even if you have the appointment, you still need to wait for records to arrive to fill out vaccine history
Ask old office if they will verbally recite vaccine history so you can have the form completed, office tells you they'll call you back
Office calls back and gladly verbally gives you vaccine history, you thank them profusely and fill out the form


Still to do:

Take Kaylee to her new appointment tomorrow where she will get her flu shot and have her form filled out. This will also be her VERY belated 3 year check up. Oops.  Moving screws you up, yo.

Turn in form next week and pray to the flying spaghetti monster that she can still be enrolled now that her form is complete.



I did have coffee today, which might explain how this all got done. And Eric worked from home so I felt like I was under observation to be productive. Guess it worked.