Hidden Costs of Science

There is a push in the scientific community that data should be freely accessible and not hidden behind a paywall. I believe in this strongly. Many scientists I know got into the field because they feel a strong affinity for learning and being able to share what they've learned with everyone. As I'm juggling several things in life regarding science and lab work one thing has increasingly become quite apparent: There is an invisible cost bar to citizen science and citizen self study. As I'm trying to start my own lab (whooo, big post I've been avoiding making for reasons), dealing with current lab's recent audit (can't say much due to privacy and NDA), I've really been digging into the nitty gritty details of what it takes to run a certified, private laboratory. The initial costs that you expect (equipment, consumables, space) is understandable to some extent and can be mitigated by hunting for deals on used equipment and government auction sites of equipment they no longer need. But then there's the protocols that are industry standards and accepted as the way to have consistent results from lab to lab and person to person. In my current field there are two standards agencies that we pull methods from: ASTM and ISO. A single pdf copy of an ASTM method can be purchased for a little less than $50 USD. (So far that I've seen, there might be price variants that I haven't discovered). That copy is authorized for ONE user. To technically be in compliance with the copyright, my lab should be purchasing the rights for every person who uses the SOP. But instead we just copy off the one and pass it around. To acquire every single ASTM standard, for the current year, would be just over $10,000 USD for a digital copy, single user copyright. When it comes to an ISO standard they get trickier. We are currently working on an audit for an agency that requires us to follow ISO 12345* *not the actual # Several of the deficiencies cite laboratory failure to follow protocols, including details on holding time between sampling and testing, and quality control of an in house component made for the test. If you look up in ISO 12345 the details regarding what is required, the SOP just states to refer to ISO 12333 and ISO 1223. I went to an online store that sells access to these digital copies and added them to my cart to see what the total would be if I purchased all six (12345 + the 5 referenced) and the total came out to $943 USD. So now, as a citizen trying to start a lab, I need to add in a budget to purchase my SOP sources because they are not available in any reasonable manner. No wonder science, as a business, is out of reach for the average person, even one with a relevant degree. Not to mention the costs associated with achieving certification. Before you can even apply to have a lab certified with some agencies, you have to pay them for access to their audit standards to be prepared. Then you pay their employees to come to your lab for the audit. So if I want to achieve certification for my lab, I can't even tell if it's worth doing and preparing from the start without being out money. Because I can't take clients on until I can offer them the guarantee that the certification provides.

Riding Skirt: Prototype 1

So I've made my awesome quarter sheet (that I have a few additions still left to do, namely a tail cord and maybe some weights so it actually stays centered on Gwyn's butt) and with temperatures now in the single and negative digits, I decided I can't put this off a year and need to get moving on making a riding skirt.

I've seen one website linked a couple times from different horse friends of these awesome riding skirts made by a woman owned business in Alaska. These things look spectacular and there are a couple different kinds for all sorts of weather. There's one made out of what appears to be a sleeping bag or heavy duty winter coat material, a wool one, a duck canvas one and a lighter one for rain.

I really want all of them. But my bank account says NONE.  They are seriously so expensive. But I do already have a sewing machine and a serger. And JoAnn's has fleece for 50% off like every day (just mark it down to that price, silly capitalists!)

I figured I could make a working muslin of a riding skirt with cheap fleece and once I perfected the pattern, go and snag some decent winter jacket material from Seattle Fabrics so I have a REALLY warm one!

Image Heavy Below this link! 

4 months: Big changes they are a'comin'

Hazel got her 4 month shots right on the nose and I tried to do pictures that same day. She wasn't having it.

Screaming Dalek baby.

She wasn't a fan of any positioning this time and too much fussing over moving her around was making her cranky.

Cranky.

So NOT having the full costume.  I wanted to do How to Train Your Dragon. My original idea was to dress her up as Astrid and get a Stormfly plush. But Astrid was movie only, not book, so I was torn on a purity level that I likely didn't even need to worry about. So instead I made Hazel into a dragon. I had a dragon costume after all!

Well... dragon costumes in August, even in air conditioned houses, are not appreciated by 4 month olds. In case you ever needed that information.

So the next day, after letting her aches fade a bit, and trying the dragon costume ONE LAST TIME just in case... I decided the wings alone would have to be sufficient.  Diaper decorated babes are adorable right? So that's what we went with.

She has a little Toothless to play with.

I'm pretty proud of those wings, by the way.

Made entirely with fabric and wire by hand.

Books are delicious. But eating out of a bottle is impossible. Obvi

Wing Creation

I picked up this pretty, spider webby teal fabric

And this shimmery tulle like stuff

At first I was going to go with one layer of each but realized it might not photograph well. So I sandwhiched the teal between two pieces of the tulle.

Then I cut them into wing shapes

And sewed together. I didn't do all the little wing details in sewing, just made a triangle. I was suprised I could sew this stuff.

Then I wove wire into the fabric, in and out. One piece did the main structure of the wing and then each point got a wire.

I got two different gauges of wire. I didn't realize this immediately. I added the thicker gauge to the outer structure for support so I had enough of the thinner for the inner wing

Assembled

I bent the wire into a harness to fit on Hazel's back and covered the wire ends with black duct tape. 

And in other news... I got the job offer!  The pay/schedule isn't ideal to start, i.e. I won't be making much profit after daycare and gas cost is taken out, but I'm looking forward to being back in the lab!

Palytoxin

My article is online and published and a check is in the mail.

This is an AWESOME feeling. I can't wait for my next article assignment. I really enjoyed devoting time to this. It was a good exercise in time management since I needed to work on it when Hazel was sleeping and that time is limited in quantity.

Palytoxins

Science!!

A college acquaintance contacted me about doing some writing for his organization. I jumped at the chance and started working on my assignment today! It's a paid writing gig and I'm really enjoying being able to throw myself into some awesome science and learn about a new topic.

My research topic is all about palytoxins and their dangers in reefkeeping. The take home message that I'm seeing emphasized over and over again in my reading is that if you're handling live rock and coral, wear gloves, wear eye protection and probably a mask too. And keep pets out of the area. This stuff is nasty and it will not discriminate in cells that it targets.

It feels really good to be delving back into research and science. And given Hazel's current nap schedule, I actually have time to get this done and work from home. It's an all around good feeling for me right now.

In other news, I finally got the vet out to see the animals. I need to acquire some dewormer for both of them and Gwyn needs to lose weight... oops.

I do my best research and learning by summarizing what I read and handwriting notes. This later helps me organize what I want to write. I'm also making a digital copy in case a 4 year old occurs.

It can be hard to do research with a 4 year old on your back

During the vet visit. Gwyn and Saffron were well behaved, Hazel fell asleep, and Kaylee was the whiniest whiner.

We've been going for evening walks. This was last night. An impromptu math lesson.

I love these girls.

At the track for our evening walk. Yes she is wearing snow boots...

I can see the big kid in her face in this picture. I love it.

Hell Yeah

After considering just not showing up, begging my body to get 'er done, and fantasizing about how rebellious I could be, I finally just gave in and decided to see how everything went. We had a solid plan for Kaylee care, so I knew that wouldn't be stressing me out as much as something last minute, and really Eric and I were ready for Hazel to arrive.

I showed up in labor and delivery at 6:30am as instructed, only for the registration lady to say "Oh, you were signed up for 7:30. Well, that's Ferrucci for you."

Thanks, Doc. I was anxious anyway and had woken up at 4 am to pee and just couldn't get back to sleep anyway. It was good I didn't need to delay the inevitable.

They did another ultrasound to confirm she was still head down and got my IV started for the pitocin. I was unhappy I was being given fluids and tried to get the resident to just let me drink and stay hydrated that way. Nope. Ice chips. I stared him down and took a drink of water and he backed away slowly, saying "I think I just lost. I'm not sure what I lost. But I lost..." Either way, Joanne came in later and said that pitocin needs to be diluted anyway, hence the fluids. Well gee, if the resident had said that BEFORE....  She got a chuckle out of the encounter.

Eric kept me in good spirits too, especially after he accurately described Ferrucci as Michael Cerra. IT'S SO TRUE!

Anyway, pit was started around 8 am and contractions didn't start immediately but when they did they were super mild and about 4 minutes apart. I had been told that it would increase by a unit every hour and I got grumpy when they popped me up to a 2 after only 45 minutes and then a 4 45 minutes after that. Ferrucci came in to talk to me about the game plan and immediately was talking membrane rupture, which I didn't want to do artificially. I don't like being on a timer. However, upon consideration, I realized that usually membrane rupture means labor gets going in earnest (even if that wasn't true my first time through) and it might mean that they wouldn't increase the pitocin, which was my bigger hope. I made sure to call in my doula at this point.

When Ferrucci broke my water at 12:25pm I was 3.5cm dilated and 70% effaced. Some progress from when I started, but not nearly enough.  As soon as my water broke, hell broke loose. Contractions got VERY strong, very quickly. Pitocin was at 8 units at this point and did not increase the rest of my labor. The doula and Eric together were invaluable to help me cope. I was everywhere, on the bed, on the ball, on the toilet, standing. I didn't want to stand/squat because my legs were shaking so much from the pitocin contractions that I didn't trust myself to remain standing during one. It was hard to remember to relax. Before my water was broken, my contraction strength on pitocin alone were what I recalled from transition with my non medicated labor with Kaylee.

A lot of low, deep vocalization helped, and doing semi-lunges on the birth ball. I definitely threw up,  a lot and could only think that when I was throwing up with Kaylee I was in transition but there was no way I was in transition at that point with Hazel. Total denial. Even the doula was telling me transition, but I don't think I wanted to get my hopes up. At the peak of transition I could feel my cervix opening, it pinched and was a different kind of pain from my uterus. Totally crazy weird. Apparently when I got up from the birth ball to use the toilet I had had my bloody show. Joanne said to look for it, it meant I was around 7 cm dilated. I kept trying to pee while on the toilet, but every time I was ready to get the stream going, a contraction would start and I couldn't do it.

It was getting really hard for me to relax between and save my strength. Tiffany (doula) suggested I try laying on my side on the bed. I was hoping it would help reduce the pain. No luck. At this point I was begging for it all to be over. In my head I was seriously thinking that an epidural might not be a bad idea at this point. In contractions I was feeling better when I bore down and kind of pushed, but again was convincing myself it was all in my head and just a frantic urge to have it all be over.

There started to be a lot of activity in the room and Joanne came in to do a cervical check, my second the whole day. I was at an 8/9. Wait. What?! Hearing that, and then hearing Tiffany describe how there was a ton more activity in the room, they were bringing in the warmer and were gowning up, it helped bolster me. I could handle this a little bit longer.  Joanne wanted me to switch sides I was on because I was more dilated on one side due to how I was laying. She told me, just a couple of contractions on the other side. The pit was turned down to 4.

I dutifully switched. I was hanging onto the bed bars like they could save me and had my eyes squeezed shut. Bearing down kept feeling better and better.

I couldn't tell you exactly what made me do it, but I had a REALLY big urge to be on my hands and knees. I was convinced that was going to be a better position to handle the contractions. I wanted the damn hospital gown OFF.

Being on my hands and knees, those contractions changed. I was still bearing down through them, but instead of my whole lower belly just aching and aching, I felt like I needed to poop. I even announced it, "I'm pooping..."  and several people, nurse, doula, midwife, all responded, "No that's a baby."  Joanne had me stick my ass in the air like a modified child's pose in yoga. I complied, no fucks were being given at that point, and she did one last cervix check. I very ferally screamed at her into a pillow because it FUCKING HURT and I had no idea what she was doing. Apparently she was stretching one tiny lip of cervix out of the way during a contraction.

Then, each contraction, I was pushing and I could feel Hazel moving down and feel myself stretching out. It's the darnedest thing. And as before, it felt so fucking good. It felt like worthwhile effort. And it was kind of crazy because it was a bit automatic, kind of like when you start throwing up and you're stuck in a vicious cycle of heaving one after the other. I would push, and need to push again and push again. But I could feel her coming and oh that gave me strength.

I did get the ring of fire this time as I stretched. Joanne cautioned me to watch it, to not go too fast. So I tried to push with less frantic energy, to control how much. I could feel myself stretch and was torn between getting her head out or preserving my vagina and vulva. Somehow, both won out. Her head came, and then she needed to turn and her shoulders stretched me again but not nearly as much. Then the rest of her body and it was slippery relief. Adrenaline just coursed through me and I was shaking.

Eric helped me rip the rest of the gown off as we carefully maneuvered me onto my back without getting tangled up in the still pulsing umbilical cord. Amniotic fluid poured out onto the bed, but I wasn't bleeding. Kaylee was handed to me and I snuggled her while we waited for the cord to pulse. Eric said her face was blue when she was crowning but she pinked right up, scoring 8/8 for Apgar. She had a set of lungs that she made use of right away.

Eric cut the cord once it pulsed down and I let Hazel go be measured and weighed immediately so I could have uninterrupted snuggle time. They cleaned up all the puppy pads and I delivered my placenta. It was complete with no pieces left inside and the nurse brought me warmed blankets for my legs. I was shivering and shaking still. I was told to not fight it, just let it happen, otherwise it would last longer.

Hazel came back. She looks a little like her big sister did, but with the old man bags under her eyes and not nearly as plump, vorpal cheeks as Kaylee had. I think Eric and I were both hoping for more vorpal cheeks. LOL

Hazel Ophelia 8 lb 2.9 oz, 20 3/4 inches long. Bigger than her sister was

We declined a bath and erythromycin for her eyes but she did get her Vitamin K shot and Hep B. I snuggled her for a bit and DAMN that kid had head control immediately! She was bobbing for boob from the start and latched beautifully on both sides.

Eric snuggled her and I got up to pee and take a shower. The bathroom looked like a murder scene when I was finished, LOL.

Very relieved and happy to be done. Elated that I fucking did pitocin with no pain meds, holy fuck

After the shower was more snuggles and Eric alerted family with pictures and text. She was born at 3:46 pm and we invited family over anytime after 6pm.  Both of us ordered dinner from room service and that felt amazing to eat. I had stuffed shells and chocolate cake. I was famished.

Big sister Kaylee holding Hazel for the first time

Grandma and Hazel

When Kaylee came in she was so excited! She gave me a hug and immediately wanted to see Hazel and hold her. She was so gentle and just genuinely happy. She was less happy when she found out that I would not be going home with her that night.

We had a ton of people in the room for around an hour. Grandma and her husband, step sister Olivia and her boyfriend Rahul (they brought us an edible arrangement, which I personally believe was the best idea ever) and Elyse and Brandon who brought Kaylee.

I just chilled, Hazel got passed around a bit and soon everyone headed out. Eric took Kaylee home and I was left at the hospital with Hazel.

It was a bit of a rough night, though I don't know what Eric could have done. I just tried to sleep when I could. Hazel was taken for her hearing screen at midnight so I slept while she was gone and don't remember her being brought back, just waking to hear her cry and nursing her. I was naughty and coslept in the hospital bed because I just... couldn't do it any other way. I got my first blood thinner shot at 4:30, a little over 12 hours after birth as planned. As the sun rose, I finally decided to get out the ring sling and wrap Hazel up on me so I could sleep and hold her at the same time. She wanted to look out the window, then she passed out. She likes to look and be upright. I got a little more rest.

So tired

Dressed to go home!

Judy visited with me in the morning, which was nice. There were a few more tests through the day and Hazel needed to be retested for hearing, which was not successful because she likes to snuggle and I wasn't with her. Eric brought Kaylee down after preschool as the plan was that I would be discharged around 4-4:30.  Hazel wasn't brought back until around 5 and then we had to wait for paperwork and patient transport. Transport got mixed up, but eventually we were all on the way home, exhausted and a family of 4.

Troll Body

Tuesday night and early wednesday morning I had timeable contractions that persisted through all the things that I've been taught they'll persist through if it's really labor.

And then I ate breakfast on Wednesday and everything stopped. I had already tapped Eric to stay home so it was nice that he was with me, but it was so frustrating.

I had a bit of a mental breakdown Thursday at the thought of now having so much less time before my induction Monday morning and sent a panicked message to my midwife, who never actually saw it before I was able to talk to her in person on Friday.

Having the induction puts restrictions on me that I do NOT WANT. I have to be constantly monitored, I think they're going to want me to have IV fluids in addition to pitocin, which I do NOT WANT. I can handle the pitocin, I just want to be able to hydrate myself. I might be restricted to ice chips only, which is a fuckery beyond imagine because you need energy to deal with labor and if I can't even have clear fluids (which is a minor enough fuckery to me) that's just bullshit on all levels and I'm just being set up to fail.

I'm planning on bringing in food anyway. Because fuck those policies. Especially  now that the American Society of Anesthesiologists recommends a light meal in labor and not the fasting that was previously pushed.

"A light meal could include fruit, light soups, toast, light sandwiches (no large slices of meat), juice and water."
https://www.asahq.org/about-asa/newsroom/news-releases/2015/10/eating-a-light-meal-during-labor

The cherry on the fucking top is after having some awesome sex last night (I'm beyond caring about TMI at this point) I woke up early in very timeable, very painful contractions that were around 4 minutes apart, lasting for a minute. I started timing them to get to the hour mark and right at the hour mark they started spacing out. And then I was just exhausted from getting up early (and I had eaten at that point)  so I laid down and they fucking disappeared entirely.

I got a nice nap in though. But I was pissed off.

So I went across the street to the high school and walked a mile. Goddammit body, stop fucking with me and just get it done with already. 

I did snuggle with my pony.

And then I walked.

Some happenings!

I promised Kaylee we would go to the nature center if she was good for me during errands we had to run.  I saw a cardinal pair, male and female!

The nature center had an oppossum they were rehabilitating. Here he's being lured out so he can get some exercise running around the office. Kaylee was fascinated.

Harder to see, but they also were rehabbing a crow with a broken wing!

Pretty pretty babywearing items! Girasol wrap and a ring sling as well as a few random items thrown in for good measure. I bought the wraps from a friend and she sent me an old amber teething necklace as a joke. 

Cutting out patterns!

I made a baby registry because Amazon was offering a Mom Box if you completed the registry of items. A family member asked for it and suddenly this shows up! The one we used to have for Kaylee I sold, so I had put it on there just because. But cool! Kid bouncy play time!

This morning. She crawled into our bed because she was cold and briefly snuggled.

I went to IKEA all by myself today! 34 weeks pregnant! Booyah! 

The start of a dresser in the closet for Hazel. Yay organization!