I finally, FINALLY, got my computer fixed enough to be able to log on and get pictures off my two cameras (the SLR and Point and Shoot)
Have some photos from the moment Hazel was born. Many of them came out blurry, a result of giving a non-photographer the SLR but I do like the ones that are good.
Warning: Nipples and Brand New Gooey Baby
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Hell Yeah
After considering just not showing up, begging my body to get 'er done, and fantasizing about how rebellious I could be, I finally just gave in and decided to see how everything went. We had a solid plan for Kaylee care, so I knew that wouldn't be stressing me out as much as something last minute, and really Eric and I were ready for Hazel to arrive.
I showed up in labor and delivery at 6:30am as instructed, only for the registration lady to say "Oh, you were signed up for 7:30. Well, that's Ferrucci for you."
Thanks, Doc. I was anxious anyway and had woken up at 4 am to pee and just couldn't get back to sleep anyway. It was good I didn't need to delay the inevitable.
They did another ultrasound to confirm she was still head down and got my IV started for the pitocin. I was unhappy I was being given fluids and tried to get the resident to just let me drink and stay hydrated that way. Nope. Ice chips. I stared him down and took a drink of water and he backed away slowly, saying "I think I just lost. I'm not sure what I lost. But I lost..." Either way, Joanne came in later and said that pitocin needs to be diluted anyway, hence the fluids. Well gee, if the resident had said that BEFORE.... She got a chuckle out of the encounter.
Eric kept me in good spirits too, especially after he accurately described Ferrucci as Michael Cerra. IT'S SO TRUE!
Anyway, pit was started around 8 am and contractions didn't start immediately but when they did they were super mild and about 4 minutes apart. I had been told that it would increase by a unit every hour and I got grumpy when they popped me up to a 2 after only 45 minutes and then a 4 45 minutes after that. Ferrucci came in to talk to me about the game plan and immediately was talking membrane rupture, which I didn't want to do artificially. I don't like being on a timer. However, upon consideration, I realized that usually membrane rupture means labor gets going in earnest (even if that wasn't true my first time through) and it might mean that they wouldn't increase the pitocin, which was my bigger hope. I made sure to call in my doula at this point.
When Ferrucci broke my water at 12:25pm I was 3.5cm dilated and 70% effaced. Some progress from when I started, but not nearly enough. As soon as my water broke, hell broke loose. Contractions got VERY strong, very quickly. Pitocin was at 8 units at this point and did not increase the rest of my labor. The doula and Eric together were invaluable to help me cope. I was everywhere, on the bed, on the ball, on the toilet, standing. I didn't want to stand/squat because my legs were shaking so much from the pitocin contractions that I didn't trust myself to remain standing during one. It was hard to remember to relax. Before my water was broken, my contraction strength on pitocin alone were what I recalled from transition with my non medicated labor with Kaylee.
A lot of low, deep vocalization helped, and doing semi-lunges on the birth ball. I definitely threw up, a lot and could only think that when I was throwing up with Kaylee I was in transition but there was no way I was in transition at that point with Hazel. Total denial. Even the doula was telling me transition, but I don't think I wanted to get my hopes up. At the peak of transition I could feel my cervix opening, it pinched and was a different kind of pain from my uterus. Totally crazy weird. Apparently when I got up from the birth ball to use the toilet I had had my bloody show. Joanne said to look for it, it meant I was around 7 cm dilated. I kept trying to pee while on the toilet, but every time I was ready to get the stream going, a contraction would start and I couldn't do it.
It was getting really hard for me to relax between and save my strength. Tiffany (doula) suggested I try laying on my side on the bed. I was hoping it would help reduce the pain. No luck. At this point I was begging for it all to be over. In my head I was seriously thinking that an epidural might not be a bad idea at this point. In contractions I was feeling better when I bore down and kind of pushed, but again was convincing myself it was all in my head and just a frantic urge to have it all be over.
There started to be a lot of activity in the room and Joanne came in to do a cervical check, my second the whole day. I was at an 8/9. Wait. What?! Hearing that, and then hearing Tiffany describe how there was a ton more activity in the room, they were bringing in the warmer and were gowning up, it helped bolster me. I could handle this a little bit longer. Joanne wanted me to switch sides I was on because I was more dilated on one side due to how I was laying. She told me, just a couple of contractions on the other side. The pit was turned down to 4.
I dutifully switched. I was hanging onto the bed bars like they could save me and had my eyes squeezed shut. Bearing down kept feeling better and better.
I couldn't tell you exactly what made me do it, but I had a REALLY big urge to be on my hands and knees. I was convinced that was going to be a better position to handle the contractions. I wanted the damn hospital gown OFF.
Being on my hands and knees, those contractions changed. I was still bearing down through them, but instead of my whole lower belly just aching and aching, I felt like I needed to poop. I even announced it, "I'm pooping..." and several people, nurse, doula, midwife, all responded, "No that's a baby." Joanne had me stick my ass in the air like a modified child's pose in yoga. I complied, no fucks were being given at that point, and she did one last cervix check. I very ferally screamed at her into a pillow because it FUCKING HURT and I had no idea what she was doing. Apparently she was stretching one tiny lip of cervix out of the way during a contraction.
Then, each contraction, I was pushing and I could feel Hazel moving down and feel myself stretching out. It's the darnedest thing. And as before, it felt so fucking good. It felt like worthwhile effort. And it was kind of crazy because it was a bit automatic, kind of like when you start throwing up and you're stuck in a vicious cycle of heaving one after the other. I would push, and need to push again and push again. But I could feel her coming and oh that gave me strength.
I did get the ring of fire this time as I stretched. Joanne cautioned me to watch it, to not go too fast. So I tried to push with less frantic energy, to control how much. I could feel myself stretch and was torn between getting her head out or preserving my vagina and vulva. Somehow, both won out. Her head came, and then she needed to turn and her shoulders stretched me again but not nearly as much. Then the rest of her body and it was slippery relief. Adrenaline just coursed through me and I was shaking.
Eric helped me rip the rest of the gown off as we carefully maneuvered me onto my back without getting tangled up in the still pulsing umbilical cord. Amniotic fluid poured out onto the bed, but I wasn't bleeding. Kaylee was handed to me and I snuggled her while we waited for the cord to pulse. Eric said her face was blue when she was crowning but she pinked right up, scoring 8/8 for Apgar. She had a set of lungs that she made use of right away.
Eric cut the cord once it pulsed down and I let Hazel go be measured and weighed immediately so I could have uninterrupted snuggle time. They cleaned up all the puppy pads and I delivered my placenta. It was complete with no pieces left inside and the nurse brought me warmed blankets for my legs. I was shivering and shaking still. I was told to not fight it, just let it happen, otherwise it would last longer.
Hazel came back. She looks a little like her big sister did, but with the old man bags under her eyes and not nearly as plump, vorpal cheeks as Kaylee had. I think Eric and I were both hoping for more vorpal cheeks. LOL
Hazel Ophelia 8 lb 2.9 oz, 20 3/4 inches long. Bigger than her sister was
We declined a bath and erythromycin for her eyes but she did get her Vitamin K shot and Hep B. I snuggled her for a bit and DAMN that kid had head control immediately! She was bobbing for boob from the start and latched beautifully on both sides.
Eric snuggled her and I got up to pee and take a shower. The bathroom looked like a murder scene when I was finished, LOL.
After the shower was more snuggles and Eric alerted family with pictures and text. She was born at 3:46 pm and we invited family over anytime after 6pm. Both of us ordered dinner from room service and that felt amazing to eat. I had stuffed shells and chocolate cake. I was famished.
When Kaylee came in she was so excited! She gave me a hug and immediately wanted to see Hazel and hold her. She was so gentle and just genuinely happy. She was less happy when she found out that I would not be going home with her that night.
We had a ton of people in the room for around an hour. Grandma and her husband, step sister Olivia and her boyfriend Rahul (they brought us an edible arrangement, which I personally believe was the best idea ever) and Elyse and Brandon who brought Kaylee.
I just chilled, Hazel got passed around a bit and soon everyone headed out. Eric took Kaylee home and I was left at the hospital with Hazel.
It was a bit of a rough night, though I don't know what Eric could have done. I just tried to sleep when I could. Hazel was taken for her hearing screen at midnight so I slept while she was gone and don't remember her being brought back, just waking to hear her cry and nursing her. I was naughty and coslept in the hospital bed because I just... couldn't do it any other way. I got my first blood thinner shot at 4:30, a little over 12 hours after birth as planned. As the sun rose, I finally decided to get out the ring sling and wrap Hazel up on me so I could sleep and hold her at the same time. She wanted to look out the window, then she passed out. She likes to look and be upright. I got a little more rest.
Judy visited with me in the morning, which was nice. There were a few more tests through the day and Hazel needed to be retested for hearing, which was not successful because she likes to snuggle and I wasn't with her. Eric brought Kaylee down after preschool as the plan was that I would be discharged around 4-4:30. Hazel wasn't brought back until around 5 and then we had to wait for paperwork and patient transport. Transport got mixed up, but eventually we were all on the way home, exhausted and a family of 4.
I showed up in labor and delivery at 6:30am as instructed, only for the registration lady to say "Oh, you were signed up for 7:30. Well, that's Ferrucci for you."
Thanks, Doc. I was anxious anyway and had woken up at 4 am to pee and just couldn't get back to sleep anyway. It was good I didn't need to delay the inevitable.
They did another ultrasound to confirm she was still head down and got my IV started for the pitocin. I was unhappy I was being given fluids and tried to get the resident to just let me drink and stay hydrated that way. Nope. Ice chips. I stared him down and took a drink of water and he backed away slowly, saying "I think I just lost. I'm not sure what I lost. But I lost..." Either way, Joanne came in later and said that pitocin needs to be diluted anyway, hence the fluids. Well gee, if the resident had said that BEFORE.... She got a chuckle out of the encounter.
Eric kept me in good spirits too, especially after he accurately described Ferrucci as Michael Cerra. IT'S SO TRUE!
Anyway, pit was started around 8 am and contractions didn't start immediately but when they did they were super mild and about 4 minutes apart. I had been told that it would increase by a unit every hour and I got grumpy when they popped me up to a 2 after only 45 minutes and then a 4 45 minutes after that. Ferrucci came in to talk to me about the game plan and immediately was talking membrane rupture, which I didn't want to do artificially. I don't like being on a timer. However, upon consideration, I realized that usually membrane rupture means labor gets going in earnest (even if that wasn't true my first time through) and it might mean that they wouldn't increase the pitocin, which was my bigger hope. I made sure to call in my doula at this point.
When Ferrucci broke my water at 12:25pm I was 3.5cm dilated and 70% effaced. Some progress from when I started, but not nearly enough. As soon as my water broke, hell broke loose. Contractions got VERY strong, very quickly. Pitocin was at 8 units at this point and did not increase the rest of my labor. The doula and Eric together were invaluable to help me cope. I was everywhere, on the bed, on the ball, on the toilet, standing. I didn't want to stand/squat because my legs were shaking so much from the pitocin contractions that I didn't trust myself to remain standing during one. It was hard to remember to relax. Before my water was broken, my contraction strength on pitocin alone were what I recalled from transition with my non medicated labor with Kaylee.
A lot of low, deep vocalization helped, and doing semi-lunges on the birth ball. I definitely threw up, a lot and could only think that when I was throwing up with Kaylee I was in transition but there was no way I was in transition at that point with Hazel. Total denial. Even the doula was telling me transition, but I don't think I wanted to get my hopes up. At the peak of transition I could feel my cervix opening, it pinched and was a different kind of pain from my uterus. Totally crazy weird. Apparently when I got up from the birth ball to use the toilet I had had my bloody show. Joanne said to look for it, it meant I was around 7 cm dilated. I kept trying to pee while on the toilet, but every time I was ready to get the stream going, a contraction would start and I couldn't do it.
It was getting really hard for me to relax between and save my strength. Tiffany (doula) suggested I try laying on my side on the bed. I was hoping it would help reduce the pain. No luck. At this point I was begging for it all to be over. In my head I was seriously thinking that an epidural might not be a bad idea at this point. In contractions I was feeling better when I bore down and kind of pushed, but again was convincing myself it was all in my head and just a frantic urge to have it all be over.
There started to be a lot of activity in the room and Joanne came in to do a cervical check, my second the whole day. I was at an 8/9. Wait. What?! Hearing that, and then hearing Tiffany describe how there was a ton more activity in the room, they were bringing in the warmer and were gowning up, it helped bolster me. I could handle this a little bit longer. Joanne wanted me to switch sides I was on because I was more dilated on one side due to how I was laying. She told me, just a couple of contractions on the other side. The pit was turned down to 4.
I dutifully switched. I was hanging onto the bed bars like they could save me and had my eyes squeezed shut. Bearing down kept feeling better and better.
I couldn't tell you exactly what made me do it, but I had a REALLY big urge to be on my hands and knees. I was convinced that was going to be a better position to handle the contractions. I wanted the damn hospital gown OFF.
Being on my hands and knees, those contractions changed. I was still bearing down through them, but instead of my whole lower belly just aching and aching, I felt like I needed to poop. I even announced it, "I'm pooping..." and several people, nurse, doula, midwife, all responded, "No that's a baby." Joanne had me stick my ass in the air like a modified child's pose in yoga. I complied, no fucks were being given at that point, and she did one last cervix check. I very ferally screamed at her into a pillow because it FUCKING HURT and I had no idea what she was doing. Apparently she was stretching one tiny lip of cervix out of the way during a contraction.
Then, each contraction, I was pushing and I could feel Hazel moving down and feel myself stretching out. It's the darnedest thing. And as before, it felt so fucking good. It felt like worthwhile effort. And it was kind of crazy because it was a bit automatic, kind of like when you start throwing up and you're stuck in a vicious cycle of heaving one after the other. I would push, and need to push again and push again. But I could feel her coming and oh that gave me strength.
I did get the ring of fire this time as I stretched. Joanne cautioned me to watch it, to not go too fast. So I tried to push with less frantic energy, to control how much. I could feel myself stretch and was torn between getting her head out or preserving my vagina and vulva. Somehow, both won out. Her head came, and then she needed to turn and her shoulders stretched me again but not nearly as much. Then the rest of her body and it was slippery relief. Adrenaline just coursed through me and I was shaking.
Eric helped me rip the rest of the gown off as we carefully maneuvered me onto my back without getting tangled up in the still pulsing umbilical cord. Amniotic fluid poured out onto the bed, but I wasn't bleeding. Kaylee was handed to me and I snuggled her while we waited for the cord to pulse. Eric said her face was blue when she was crowning but she pinked right up, scoring 8/8 for Apgar. She had a set of lungs that she made use of right away.
Eric cut the cord once it pulsed down and I let Hazel go be measured and weighed immediately so I could have uninterrupted snuggle time. They cleaned up all the puppy pads and I delivered my placenta. It was complete with no pieces left inside and the nurse brought me warmed blankets for my legs. I was shivering and shaking still. I was told to not fight it, just let it happen, otherwise it would last longer.
Hazel came back. She looks a little like her big sister did, but with the old man bags under her eyes and not nearly as plump, vorpal cheeks as Kaylee had. I think Eric and I were both hoping for more vorpal cheeks. LOL
We declined a bath and erythromycin for her eyes but she did get her Vitamin K shot and Hep B. I snuggled her for a bit and DAMN that kid had head control immediately! She was bobbing for boob from the start and latched beautifully on both sides.
Eric snuggled her and I got up to pee and take a shower. The bathroom looked like a murder scene when I was finished, LOL.
Very relieved and happy to be done. Elated that I fucking did pitocin with no pain meds, holy fuck
After the shower was more snuggles and Eric alerted family with pictures and text. She was born at 3:46 pm and we invited family over anytime after 6pm. Both of us ordered dinner from room service and that felt amazing to eat. I had stuffed shells and chocolate cake. I was famished.
Big sister Kaylee holding Hazel for the first time
Grandma and Hazel
When Kaylee came in she was so excited! She gave me a hug and immediately wanted to see Hazel and hold her. She was so gentle and just genuinely happy. She was less happy when she found out that I would not be going home with her that night.
We had a ton of people in the room for around an hour. Grandma and her husband, step sister Olivia and her boyfriend Rahul (they brought us an edible arrangement, which I personally believe was the best idea ever) and Elyse and Brandon who brought Kaylee.
I just chilled, Hazel got passed around a bit and soon everyone headed out. Eric took Kaylee home and I was left at the hospital with Hazel.
It was a bit of a rough night, though I don't know what Eric could have done. I just tried to sleep when I could. Hazel was taken for her hearing screen at midnight so I slept while she was gone and don't remember her being brought back, just waking to hear her cry and nursing her. I was naughty and coslept in the hospital bed because I just... couldn't do it any other way. I got my first blood thinner shot at 4:30, a little over 12 hours after birth as planned. As the sun rose, I finally decided to get out the ring sling and wrap Hazel up on me so I could sleep and hold her at the same time. She wanted to look out the window, then she passed out. She likes to look and be upright. I got a little more rest.
So tired
Dressed to go home!
Judy visited with me in the morning, which was nice. There were a few more tests through the day and Hazel needed to be retested for hearing, which was not successful because she likes to snuggle and I wasn't with her. Eric brought Kaylee down after preschool as the plan was that I would be discharged around 4-4:30. Hazel wasn't brought back until around 5 and then we had to wait for paperwork and patient transport. Transport got mixed up, but eventually we were all on the way home, exhausted and a family of 4.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Still Pregnant
Everything looks great. My body is definitely getting ready to go but I'm not quite there yet. I'm doing everything I can that old wives tales suggests. I should go on a long walk in addition, but I figure I'm so busy every day that that should count.
Hazel is FINALLY in the most ideal position, which is awesome, so now all that's left is for labor to start.
I'm generally achy, which I think is a good sign. In fact, as I'm writing this I'm having a random contraction. Now for them to get regular! Midwife is hopeful, my mom is hopeful, Eric is hopeful.
Mom and I have been making freezer meals for after Hazel is here. So far we have several meals worth of manicotti, two breakfasts worth of blueberry pumpkin french toast and we'll have some portions of a ground turkey sweet potato chili. My house smells amazing.
And my mom is a rockstart, even if little things annoy me sometimes. She's helped me get on top of laundry, clean and everything. Kaylee is having a blast having her here and I get some downtime when I'm just tuckered out. My sleep is all off and while I'm getting some longer stretches (yay coughing got nearly fixed!) I'm waking up too goddamn early. I won't tell you what time, because you working types will laugh at me. But I seriously need my normal schedule and I'm not getting it.
The zantac and inhaler combo seem to have REALLY worked well! Of course this morning I woke up with more sinus pressure with a returned cold so that sucked, but I'm stuffing myself full of fluids and elderberry syrup on the offchance that the woo works. But my coughing is significantly reduced.
Hazel is FINALLY in the most ideal position, which is awesome, so now all that's left is for labor to start.
I'm generally achy, which I think is a good sign. In fact, as I'm writing this I'm having a random contraction. Now for them to get regular! Midwife is hopeful, my mom is hopeful, Eric is hopeful.
Mom and I have been making freezer meals for after Hazel is here. So far we have several meals worth of manicotti, two breakfasts worth of blueberry pumpkin french toast and we'll have some portions of a ground turkey sweet potato chili. My house smells amazing.
And my mom is a rockstart, even if little things annoy me sometimes. She's helped me get on top of laundry, clean and everything. Kaylee is having a blast having her here and I get some downtime when I'm just tuckered out. My sleep is all off and while I'm getting some longer stretches (yay coughing got nearly fixed!) I'm waking up too goddamn early. I won't tell you what time, because you working types will laugh at me. But I seriously need my normal schedule and I'm not getting it.
The zantac and inhaler combo seem to have REALLY worked well! Of course this morning I woke up with more sinus pressure with a returned cold so that sucked, but I'm stuffing myself full of fluids and elderberry syrup on the offchance that the woo works. But my coughing is significantly reduced.
Monday, April 4, 2016
Health Stuff, frank TMI stuff. Read if you definitely want to never get pregnant
So I've had this cough that wouldn't quit. It's been getting worse, keeping me up at night hacking away. A couple nights ago I ended up sleeping upright on the couch because laying down just wasn't going to happen. It's been hell. I've been bringing it up at every appointment, but they listen to my lungs, say I'm clear and it's just an upper respiratory infection and it'll eventually go away.
Then, this past weekend, I started getting breathless again. My mother in law is a nurse and came over yesterday to help us finish the tiling project. She took a listen and heard rattling and tightness. I called the nurse line and between the two of them made the decision to go to the ER. I was worried that having a less than effective cough meant I was potentially at risk for pneumonia.
I drove myself in around 6 pm. After my last trip to the ER I decided to pack a bag *just in case*. I wasn't sure what the outcome would be, but I'm glad I was prepared. I was, thankfully, over prepared!
As soon as the ER doctors heard of my previous history with the pulmonary embolisms they pulled blood to check for coagulability and effectiveness of the heparin that I'm now on. It was not working at therapeutic levels like it should be. Because the breathlessness was acute (i.e. happened recently and not slowly) I ended up getting another CT scan.
After that I was sent up to Labor and Delivery because I'm 38 weeks pregnant to wait for the scan results.
Scan came back clear. Even for pneumonia, but definitely for new clots, which was GOOD!
I had a NST (non stress test) done on Hazel and she passed with flying colors. They even picked up two minor contractions I had. The nurse asked if I thought I had contractions, my answer "one or two minor ones, like braxton hicks" and she nodded happily and said I'd had two. So yay!
My midwife was on call and she came in as well to check on me, which was really nice. I LOVE this lady. Seriously. I was a huge fan of the midwives I had in Washington and I'm so glad I found a provider here in Michigan that I get along with just as well. She never fails to put me at ease. She brought in an ultrasound and we got the BEST NEWS OF THE NIGHT!
Hazel is head down! She's sunny side up, which means back labor if she tries to get out in her current position, but hell, I'd take back labor over breech! I've been trying nearly everything under the sun to get this kid to flip around. I've been avoiding reclining positions, I've been on my hands and knees, sitting up straight, laying on an incline with my head at the bottom, anything to open up my pelvis and make room for her. I even went to a chiropractor and was on the verge of making an acupuncture appointment!
I wasn't ever admitted, and was discharged at 1 am. I got to go home and sleep in my own bed, thanks to the assistance of a benadryl. And then promptly peed myself coughing because my bladder was so full when I woke up and the pad I used from the hospital was crappy and barely caught anything.
Kaylee was happy to see me and we started the morning off with a nice hour long soak in the big tub. We're getting snow off and on this week, so it was extra cozy to be in the warm water.
I'm happy to be home, I just wish I had a magic potion I could drink that would take the damn cough away. Because I still have that. Guh.
Tuesday I had my regularly scheduled midwife appointment. Hazel is still head down! Blood pressure is awesome, no signs of Pre-E. I got a copy of the report from the CT scan to bring to my primary doc since they're not in the hospital system, but then, my next appointment with the specialist and they were ON THE BALL. I walked out of there with an inhaler and a supply of zantac. What I suspected, and what the doctor thought was happening, was that the acid reflux from pregnancy was irritating my esophagus at night when I laid down to sleep. The irritation was making me cough, and that combined with a few colds, revived my dormant asthma.
AND, and this was cool to learn, people who have asthma quite literally have thicker mucous than those who don't. So it's harder to cough up and clear your lungs (in addition to have bronchiole restrictions). So I've been in this negative feedback loop for two fucking months, no wonder it's not getting better! And no wonder the breathing treatment I got at the ER helped me feel a bit better for a short while (until I laid down).
So the zantac is to better control the acid reflux (so long, Tums!), and the inhaler is to help manage the asthma. I'm hoping this will help me get over the current cold I have (seen on the CT scan, and exactly where Judy heard crackling when she listened two days prior) and I'm on order to not eat anything 2 hours before bed to help with the reflux.
Otherwise, I'm a go for labor any time and it looks like the MFM will want to induce around 41 weeks which I'm hoping doesn't need to happen, and I'll push for 42 because I'm like that.
Monday I had a final prenatal visit with my doula and that went really well. We're pretty much prepped for labor to start anytime.
My mom flies in on Saturday and I'm hoping I go into labor while she visits just so having someone to watch over Kaylee will be a non issue and I can focus on Hazel.
Then, this past weekend, I started getting breathless again. My mother in law is a nurse and came over yesterday to help us finish the tiling project. She took a listen and heard rattling and tightness. I called the nurse line and between the two of them made the decision to go to the ER. I was worried that having a less than effective cough meant I was potentially at risk for pneumonia.
I drove myself in around 6 pm. After my last trip to the ER I decided to pack a bag *just in case*. I wasn't sure what the outcome would be, but I'm glad I was prepared. I was, thankfully, over prepared!
As soon as the ER doctors heard of my previous history with the pulmonary embolisms they pulled blood to check for coagulability and effectiveness of the heparin that I'm now on. It was not working at therapeutic levels like it should be. Because the breathlessness was acute (i.e. happened recently and not slowly) I ended up getting another CT scan.
After that I was sent up to Labor and Delivery because I'm 38 weeks pregnant to wait for the scan results.
Scan came back clear. Even for pneumonia, but definitely for new clots, which was GOOD!
I had a NST (non stress test) done on Hazel and she passed with flying colors. They even picked up two minor contractions I had. The nurse asked if I thought I had contractions, my answer "one or two minor ones, like braxton hicks" and she nodded happily and said I'd had two. So yay!
My midwife was on call and she came in as well to check on me, which was really nice. I LOVE this lady. Seriously. I was a huge fan of the midwives I had in Washington and I'm so glad I found a provider here in Michigan that I get along with just as well. She never fails to put me at ease. She brought in an ultrasound and we got the BEST NEWS OF THE NIGHT!
Hazel is head down! She's sunny side up, which means back labor if she tries to get out in her current position, but hell, I'd take back labor over breech! I've been trying nearly everything under the sun to get this kid to flip around. I've been avoiding reclining positions, I've been on my hands and knees, sitting up straight, laying on an incline with my head at the bottom, anything to open up my pelvis and make room for her. I even went to a chiropractor and was on the verge of making an acupuncture appointment!
I wasn't ever admitted, and was discharged at 1 am. I got to go home and sleep in my own bed, thanks to the assistance of a benadryl. And then promptly peed myself coughing because my bladder was so full when I woke up and the pad I used from the hospital was crappy and barely caught anything.
Kaylee was happy to see me and we started the morning off with a nice hour long soak in the big tub. We're getting snow off and on this week, so it was extra cozy to be in the warm water.
I'm happy to be home, I just wish I had a magic potion I could drink that would take the damn cough away. Because I still have that. Guh.
Tuesday I had my regularly scheduled midwife appointment. Hazel is still head down! Blood pressure is awesome, no signs of Pre-E. I got a copy of the report from the CT scan to bring to my primary doc since they're not in the hospital system, but then, my next appointment with the specialist and they were ON THE BALL. I walked out of there with an inhaler and a supply of zantac. What I suspected, and what the doctor thought was happening, was that the acid reflux from pregnancy was irritating my esophagus at night when I laid down to sleep. The irritation was making me cough, and that combined with a few colds, revived my dormant asthma.
AND, and this was cool to learn, people who have asthma quite literally have thicker mucous than those who don't. So it's harder to cough up and clear your lungs (in addition to have bronchiole restrictions). So I've been in this negative feedback loop for two fucking months, no wonder it's not getting better! And no wonder the breathing treatment I got at the ER helped me feel a bit better for a short while (until I laid down).
So the zantac is to better control the acid reflux (so long, Tums!), and the inhaler is to help manage the asthma. I'm hoping this will help me get over the current cold I have (seen on the CT scan, and exactly where Judy heard crackling when she listened two days prior) and I'm on order to not eat anything 2 hours before bed to help with the reflux.
Otherwise, I'm a go for labor any time and it looks like the MFM will want to induce around 41 weeks which I'm hoping doesn't need to happen, and I'll push for 42 because I'm like that.
Monday I had a final prenatal visit with my doula and that went really well. We're pretty much prepped for labor to start anytime.
My mom flies in on Saturday and I'm hoping I go into labor while she visits just so having someone to watch over Kaylee will be a non issue and I can focus on Hazel.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
TMI for Norovirus experience
So the creeping crud a.k.a. stomach flu has hit our house pretty badly.
It was a nice day last wednesday that I let Kaylee play on the playground after school was over. I wasn't doing much, just sitting and starting to feel really awful. I finally convinced her to go home and as soon as we pulled in the driveway I was emptying my stomach contents into the grass.
I sent her inside to play and quickly went out to the barn to finish taking care of the animals. Thankfully I'd already prepped a lot of dinner so it went quickly.
I was back inside, making sure Kaylee was set to be independent for a while, and promptly laid down. Then the evacuation started. I had the foresight to grab a bucket (from Home Depot) and spent the next 12 hours alternating between passing out on the bed and sitting on the toliet with the bucket between my knees. It was not a pleasant time.
Eric, thankfully, had gotten home not long after I laid down and took over Kaylee duties.
Thursday, while the vomiting had ceased and I was tentatively keeping liquids down, the diarrhea continued. He stayed home and worked from home, going out only briefly to retrieve his work laptop and gatorade for me.
I slept for a good part of Thursday, off and on. He was awesome and took care of the animals too.
Friday I was feeling much better, good enough to take a shower and get dressed in real clothes. I got Kaylee ready for school since Tuesday was a primary so they rescheduled for Friday and as we walked in, she vomited all over the sidewalk.
We promptly went home. She vomited a few more times and had a diarrhea accident in her pants, which was more distressing to her. Thankfully, she was really good at vomiting in the bucket, until she vomited all over Eric. I put her back in a diaper to control accidents and got her situated on the couch.
She didn't vomit again but did have another accident in her pants on Saturday and successfully pooped on the toilet later.
Eric and I started counting down the hours for incubation for what we suspected was norovirus.
Sunday afternoon he started to feel off. At first we thought he would get away with just intestinal issues, but the full effects of the virus have hit him now and we've had it make its way completely through.
Through this whole thing, I've slowly added solid food back into my diet, but I lost 12 pounds in two days thanks to the evacuation and liquid only diet I dealt with. My whole upper body is sore from clenching during vomiting. And today I had prodromal labor as my body tried to deal with constipation, of all things, from the solids coming back through my digestive track.
I spent a lot of the day laying or sitting, or in some kind of inverted position, breathing through cramps/contractions. I even went so far as to time them, but at every 10 minutes, they weren't enough to call or go in.
Of the three of, Kaylee bounced back the quickest and had it the most mildly. I'm hoping Eric doesn't suffer like I did. I don't know how we'll manage a vivacious 3 year old with him knocked out from Noro while I deal with contractions.
Thankfully I've got plans to get us out of the house tomorrow (us = me and Kaylee) since I've got a chiro appointment to try and get Hazel flipped. The small part of me that hopes that chiropractic woo has some basis is also hoping it'll get my gut in better shape, but it's a tiny part and ultimately I know I just need to take it easy.
And just let me tell you. I wouldn't wish norovirus on a 3rd trimester pregnant lady even if they were the most evil person in the world. It is a crazy thing to be sitting there with baby kicking happily away while you vomit. NOT PLEASANT.
It was a nice day last wednesday that I let Kaylee play on the playground after school was over. I wasn't doing much, just sitting and starting to feel really awful. I finally convinced her to go home and as soon as we pulled in the driveway I was emptying my stomach contents into the grass.
I sent her inside to play and quickly went out to the barn to finish taking care of the animals. Thankfully I'd already prepped a lot of dinner so it went quickly.
I was back inside, making sure Kaylee was set to be independent for a while, and promptly laid down. Then the evacuation started. I had the foresight to grab a bucket (from Home Depot) and spent the next 12 hours alternating between passing out on the bed and sitting on the toliet with the bucket between my knees. It was not a pleasant time.
Eric, thankfully, had gotten home not long after I laid down and took over Kaylee duties.
Thursday, while the vomiting had ceased and I was tentatively keeping liquids down, the diarrhea continued. He stayed home and worked from home, going out only briefly to retrieve his work laptop and gatorade for me.
I slept for a good part of Thursday, off and on. He was awesome and took care of the animals too.
Friday I was feeling much better, good enough to take a shower and get dressed in real clothes. I got Kaylee ready for school since Tuesday was a primary so they rescheduled for Friday and as we walked in, she vomited all over the sidewalk.
We promptly went home. She vomited a few more times and had a diarrhea accident in her pants, which was more distressing to her. Thankfully, she was really good at vomiting in the bucket, until she vomited all over Eric. I put her back in a diaper to control accidents and got her situated on the couch.
She didn't vomit again but did have another accident in her pants on Saturday and successfully pooped on the toilet later.
Eric and I started counting down the hours for incubation for what we suspected was norovirus.
Sunday afternoon he started to feel off. At first we thought he would get away with just intestinal issues, but the full effects of the virus have hit him now and we've had it make its way completely through.
Through this whole thing, I've slowly added solid food back into my diet, but I lost 12 pounds in two days thanks to the evacuation and liquid only diet I dealt with. My whole upper body is sore from clenching during vomiting. And today I had prodromal labor as my body tried to deal with constipation, of all things, from the solids coming back through my digestive track.
I spent a lot of the day laying or sitting, or in some kind of inverted position, breathing through cramps/contractions. I even went so far as to time them, but at every 10 minutes, they weren't enough to call or go in.
Of the three of, Kaylee bounced back the quickest and had it the most mildly. I'm hoping Eric doesn't suffer like I did. I don't know how we'll manage a vivacious 3 year old with him knocked out from Noro while I deal with contractions.
Thankfully I've got plans to get us out of the house tomorrow (us = me and Kaylee) since I've got a chiro appointment to try and get Hazel flipped. The small part of me that hopes that chiropractic woo has some basis is also hoping it'll get my gut in better shape, but it's a tiny part and ultimately I know I just need to take it easy.
And just let me tell you. I wouldn't wish norovirus on a 3rd trimester pregnant lady even if they were the most evil person in the world. It is a crazy thing to be sitting there with baby kicking happily away while you vomit. NOT PLEASANT.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Nursery Organization plus voting plus Birth Center tour
The drawer system in the closet plus all of the clothes finally organized by size. I have up through 24 months in those rubbermaid bins and anything larger is downstairs, also in rubbermaid. Left hangers have dresses. Right hangers have coats. I will not need to buy clothes for Hazel.
Eric and I went to the hospital for the birth center tour tonight. There was a definite difference in hospital culture compared to the tour we did in Washington state. There, they were quick to label themselves Baby Friendly, the label of which has significant meaning (baby doesn't go to nursery unless requested, immediate skin to skin, breastfeeding promotion, you don't move rooms, lots of natural birth pain relief options encouraged). Here, those similar things are available, but it felt like we were being sold them, almost as though the women in this area aren't as familiar and need to be convinced, especially on the skin to skin point.
Some of the things were encouraging to hear again as being routine now, some other things I internally was smirking and going "Uh huh, we'll see if I follow THAT rule" (no eating, a bad idea if you're low risk since you need energy!)
The nurse did make a humorous offhand comment about some women coming in with birth plans and the nurses going "Oh, THAT one."
Eric murmured to me, "You're going to be that one." We chuckled together.
Since Kaylee was hanging out with her Aunt and Uncle, we took the childfree time to go grab a quick dinner after the tour. I hadn't really felt Hazel moving all day but I had been SUPER busy and active. It wasn't until I got home and took a bath that she reassured me to her presence. Kaylee had fallen asleep in the truck on the way home so I just left her in the car while I fed the critters. Eric helped too. It was a good day. Kaylee didn't even wake up when I got her out and I was able to put her right into bed. Easy peasy bedtime!
Eric is home tomorrow since I have a ton of appointments to go to. I've got an early ass ultrasound to check on Hazel's growth, then back to back midwife/MFM appointments, which are now going to include a non stress test. I'll be going to bed very shortly.
PLUS... IT'S PRIMARY VOTING DAY IN MICHIGAN!
I fully intend to exercise my right as a citizen.
FEEL THE BERN!
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Some happenings!
I promised Kaylee we would go to the nature center if she was good for me during errands we had to run. I saw a cardinal pair, male and female!
The nature center had an oppossum they were rehabilitating. Here he's being lured out so he can get some exercise running around the office. Kaylee was fascinated.
Harder to see, but they also were rehabbing a crow with a broken wing!
Pretty pretty babywearing items! Girasol wrap and a ring sling as well as a few random items thrown in for good measure. I bought the wraps from a friend and she sent me an old amber teething necklace as a joke.
Cutting out patterns!
I made a baby registry because Amazon was offering a Mom Box if you completed the registry of items. A family member asked for it and suddenly this shows up! The one we used to have for Kaylee I sold, so I had put it on there just because. But cool! Kid bouncy play time!
This morning. She crawled into our bed because she was cold and briefly snuggled.
I went to IKEA all by myself today! 34 weeks pregnant! Booyah!
The start of a dresser in the closet for Hazel. Yay organization!
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
More catch up posting
I'm getting a lot done, not sitting at a computer, but I still feel bad that I'm not writing and tracking. I like keeping a record of things I find noteworthy to share.
30 weeks down! 8-12 weeks to go!
Blah blah this is all tentative, but it serves to illustrate the things that are going to be important for me to have done or not done.
I've been slowly coming to terms with being required to have a hospital birth (versus the home birth that got waylaid by my blood clots) and it's been stressful trying to plan for every possible scenario that could result from being in a hospital setting.
So I'm writing this keeping in mind that these would be ideal, but I understand that they're not necessarily all going to be possible, especially since I need to have my high risk doctors on the same page and I don't know what things they're going to require or be okay with easing me on. I've also got back up plans! And sources, because despite everything I'm still expecting to meet resistance and it's been nice to not see that so much.
ALL SCENARIOS
IDEAL
I've been slowly coming to terms with being required to have a hospital birth (versus the home birth that got waylaid by my blood clots) and it's been stressful trying to plan for every possible scenario that could result from being in a hospital setting.
So I'm writing this keeping in mind that these would be ideal, but I understand that they're not necessarily all going to be possible, especially since I need to have my high risk doctors on the same page and I don't know what things they're going to require or be okay with easing me on. I've also got back up plans! And sources, because despite everything I'm still expecting to meet resistance and it's been nice to not see that so much.
ALL SCENARIOS
- Please DO administer Vitamin K shot
- Please DO NOT administer Erythromycin antibiotic to eyes
- Delay cord clamping until cord pulses down
- http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD004074.pub3/epdf
- Please DO NOT bathe infant
- No formula
- Immediate skin to skin
IDEAL
- No AROM!!!!! (artificial rupture of membrane)
- Limit cervical checks
- No pitocin, let us try natural methods first (nipple stimulation)
- Intermittent monitoring please unless medically indicated (please explain why)
- Do not offer pain medication, I prefer to move or use water for comfort (walking, squats, shower, tub, birthing ball)
- I do not want to be on my back to push and would prefer squatting or hands and knees
- (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22592681)
- A heplock is fine, but I will self hydrate with water
- Food if desired
- (https://www.asahq.org/about-asa/newsroom/news-releases/2015/10/eating-a-light-meal-during-labor)
- NO EPISIOTOMY
- Do not bathe infant, give her to me in all her goopy glory
INDUCTION
- If contractions are consistent, do not increase pitocin (please explain why if you need to increase dosage)
- Do not offer pain relief, I will request if I need it
- NO AROM
- Limit cervical checks
- Please give me time to consider each new step that might need to be taken
- NO EPISIOTOMY
CESAREAN SECTION
- Disclaimer: I understand this may not be possible in the event of emergency on mine or my infant's part, I would appreciate anything that can be done in such a instance
- http://www.doulamysoul.com/#!The-Organic-Cesarean-A-protocol-for-a-gentler-surgical-birth/c1c55/5696f6b80cf2e94e3fb671e4
- Please take a vaginal swab for use in skin to skin to mimic vaginal birth bacterial seeding for gut flora
- http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3110651/
- http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16189184
- http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1896187/
- http://www.nature.com/nm/journal/vaop/ncurrent/full/nm.4039.html
- http://www.kplu.org/post/researchers-test-microbe-wipe-promote-babies-health-after-c-sections
- Lowered drape please, I REALLY want to watch
- Please describe what you are doing! If I can't see I'd like to hear!
- Please perform heart/lung checks during skin to skin if possible
- Immediate skin to skin, preferably with Mom, if not, with Dad.
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Big sister and little sister!
We had our gender reveal party yesterday since my Mom was in town for her consulting job. I don't expect to get a baby shower but I did want to celebrate in some small way that I could organize, so gender reveal it was! I provided all food and onesies and fabric paint to decorate, the same as I'd done for my friend Cheryl's baby shower a year ago. Plus, for this baby we have family and friends who care about kids, unlike last time, lol, so it was nice to have a party. It was a small get together, my mom, mother in law and her husband (step father in law), sister in law and her husband and our friends with their two kids.
My awesome cake that I ordered from a local bakery. It was only $20 and was absolutely delicious!!
Strawberry flavor for the pink! Everyone's reaction when I lifted the slice out was just perfect!
Decorating onesies!
Drying and 'curing'
And now individual photos of each, some have a front/back. It's such a great activity and you get some really personal touches from friends and family!
My supplies included a spray fabric paint, thick fabric markers and narrow point fabric markers and various stencils. I had a plastic lined tablecloth to protect my table and cardboard to slide between the shirts so the paint wouldn't bleed through.
One of mine, done with the spray type paint and a stencil
Top is front, bottom is back. Made by my mom friend that I met through a reddit group when we were both pregnant with our first kids at the same time. The paper airplane is the group's logo.
Another I made that I'm not happy with. I should have verified a good flesh tone....
Made by my friend's three year old. I love it!
Top is front, bottom is back. Husband made this one. He was aiming for geekier but couldn't condense the message, lol
My final one. It says WILD at the top
Sister in law made this one. She did an excellent job with the stenciling!
I think Kaylee made this one with help from Nana
This I know that Kaylee made with assistance from me and Nana to work the spray. She chose the colors and the stencil.
Step father in law made this one.
Top is front, bottom is back. My mom (Nana) made this one. She knows kids. LOLOLOLOL. We will forever do double takes when Babydos wears this onesie because of diaper blowouts. She nailed the color.
Sister in law's husband did this, but I did the lettering at his request.
Mother in law (Grandma) made this one. She runs. I like the idea she used with the starfish!
Top is front, bottom is back
Sister in law also did this one. She's a big MSU fan and alumna
I loved how we were able to introduce Babydos, Hazel Ophelia, to our family this way. It was a low key, low stress, no obligation kind of party for a second kid. I stressed that no one needed to bring anything in the invitation.
We had polled family at Thanksgiving to get their prediction and Boy was the majority winner for guesses (from myself and Eric too!) Our clothing choices for the party were under intense scrutiny, and the fact that even my hair elastics were both blue and pink was a cause of great distress, much to my amusement.
We had polled family at Thanksgiving to get their prediction and Boy was the majority winner for guesses (from myself and Eric too!) Our clothing choices for the party were under intense scrutiny, and the fact that even my hair elastics were both blue and pink was a cause of great distress, much to my amusement.
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Mental Health
It's a little scary how necessary horses have become in my life. When I didn't have Gwyn immediately following our move to Michigan, things seemed hopeless and awful and I hated everything. As soon as Gwyn got here, I was so much better. Really, as soon as I had that weekend of camping at the endurance ride things got better.
Now, despite staying a part of horsey activities, like the Distance Derby meetup, I'm finding that I'm still falling apart and fraying at the edges. Last month I had crazy anxiety about the birth that I was able to simmer down and feel reassured after meeting with one of the midwives.
But yesterday, after meeting with the OB again, I had a breakdown before I was able to even leave the office. The poor nurses who found me, they kept asking if I was alright, if my appointment went well, if the baby was okay. And yes, everything was outwardly fine and I couldn't explain why I was sobbing uncontrollably.
Personally, I think it's a combination of a lot of things that are all piling together, one or two of them alone I could handle, but all of them is a recipe for disaster.
1. I do not trust medical doctors. This goes back several years to when I was considering starting the process for bariatric surgery. We had just moved to Washington and I went to establish care with a new primary physician. I laid out the difficulty I had with losing weight, the strategies I was trying and what my general diet was like.
I was told to stop drinking soda. I did not drink soda. It soured me, but not fully until I went to have a well woman check for a pap smear. I was intrigued by the concept that I could use a midwife for those check ups and made an appointment. The person I had looked into was on maternity leave, instead I met with her substitute, Elias, also a midwife. He looked at my history, saw that I had mentioned my science background and thought that was cool and proceeded to talk to me and send me science journal articles to support the advice he had given me. I talked to him about my same concerns, my heavy period, trouble losing weight, and he helped me come up with a game plan and strategies we could try, different foods to focus on once he had a hormone panel back that showed slight irregularities.
I followed his advice and suddenly I was successful with my weight loss, without adding in any more exercise. That experience was so positive, I drove out of my way to use him for my prenatal care when I became pregnant with Kaylee. He was worth it to me. Even later, seeing more doctors about similar weight issues and minor stuff, I kept feeling like I was being brushed off, or talked at. So I wouldn't really bother going in for stuff for me.
It's probably why I waited so long for my leg pain.
2. That damn leg pain. Somehow I think I still haven't fully processed the bilateral PEs and my DVT. I feel fine, just as healthy as before, only now I have medicine I take twice a day. It's either that or I resent how this has changed my life. Michigan was supposed to be awesome where I could just go out and ride and I can't do that.
3. Not riding. This is killing me more than I care to admit. With this most recent breakdown I talked with Eric and we're taking a position of "my mental health needs to take priority right now".
So screw the blood thinners. I'm going for a ride today. Bareback, in the arena, at no more than a walk, and probably no more than 20 minutes. But I need it. Just making the decision that I would do that today has perked me up considerably. Screw the doctors. I warned them this was going to be bad for me. I TOLD THEM when I met them.
That all being said, I'm fairly certain I was triggered at my appointment, in a very subtle way. At my previous midwife appointment we worked out a plan where I could ask to alternate care with OB and midwives in the practice, rather than doing only OB. I was told I would be 'allowed' to see the midwives if he, the OB, was in the office at the time of the appointment.
I asked about monitoring my blood glucose rather than taking the gestational diabetes test and he very begrudgingly told me maybe, if I tracked a couple days to show that I was doing okay on the glucose monitor (which I now need to dig up and make sure it works). In pressing to assert the kind of care I want and received with Elias last time, I was chided because my 'condition' was very serious and DVTs and bilateral PEs are not something to take lightly.
Fuck dude. I UNDERSTAND THAT. I just feel like all control has been taken from me. I'm trying to snatch it back in bits and pieces. Work with me, explain why, come up with a plan with me, don't just tell me what to do because I'm going to dig my heels in if you do.
Anyway, I asked to talk to Joanne, the other midwife, who was thankfully in the office that day. I explained a lot of this to her. And she got it. She talked me through some things that I was worried about (induction, mainly) and I did feel better at the end.
I don't know that they realized how serious this is to me. And how much Eric and I have been strategizing labor. We're laboring as much as we can at home. If we go in and are sent back we're going to just go and walk around a nearby mall depending on the weather. We're semi-seriously joking about delivering at the mall because we'll probably wait too long. Eric gets me and he's going to be an excellent advocate for me, just like he was with Kaylee. I trust him wholly and completely.
So, now excuse me while I go throw my middle fingers to the sky and all my medical care team, screaming FUCK YOU while I ride my horse.
Because they'd all have an aneurism if they found out.
Now, despite staying a part of horsey activities, like the Distance Derby meetup, I'm finding that I'm still falling apart and fraying at the edges. Last month I had crazy anxiety about the birth that I was able to simmer down and feel reassured after meeting with one of the midwives.
But yesterday, after meeting with the OB again, I had a breakdown before I was able to even leave the office. The poor nurses who found me, they kept asking if I was alright, if my appointment went well, if the baby was okay. And yes, everything was outwardly fine and I couldn't explain why I was sobbing uncontrollably.
Personally, I think it's a combination of a lot of things that are all piling together, one or two of them alone I could handle, but all of them is a recipe for disaster.
1. I do not trust medical doctors. This goes back several years to when I was considering starting the process for bariatric surgery. We had just moved to Washington and I went to establish care with a new primary physician. I laid out the difficulty I had with losing weight, the strategies I was trying and what my general diet was like.
I was told to stop drinking soda. I did not drink soda. It soured me, but not fully until I went to have a well woman check for a pap smear. I was intrigued by the concept that I could use a midwife for those check ups and made an appointment. The person I had looked into was on maternity leave, instead I met with her substitute, Elias, also a midwife. He looked at my history, saw that I had mentioned my science background and thought that was cool and proceeded to talk to me and send me science journal articles to support the advice he had given me. I talked to him about my same concerns, my heavy period, trouble losing weight, and he helped me come up with a game plan and strategies we could try, different foods to focus on once he had a hormone panel back that showed slight irregularities.
I followed his advice and suddenly I was successful with my weight loss, without adding in any more exercise. That experience was so positive, I drove out of my way to use him for my prenatal care when I became pregnant with Kaylee. He was worth it to me. Even later, seeing more doctors about similar weight issues and minor stuff, I kept feeling like I was being brushed off, or talked at. So I wouldn't really bother going in for stuff for me.
It's probably why I waited so long for my leg pain.
2. That damn leg pain. Somehow I think I still haven't fully processed the bilateral PEs and my DVT. I feel fine, just as healthy as before, only now I have medicine I take twice a day. It's either that or I resent how this has changed my life. Michigan was supposed to be awesome where I could just go out and ride and I can't do that.
3. Not riding. This is killing me more than I care to admit. With this most recent breakdown I talked with Eric and we're taking a position of "my mental health needs to take priority right now".
So screw the blood thinners. I'm going for a ride today. Bareback, in the arena, at no more than a walk, and probably no more than 20 minutes. But I need it. Just making the decision that I would do that today has perked me up considerably. Screw the doctors. I warned them this was going to be bad for me. I TOLD THEM when I met them.
That all being said, I'm fairly certain I was triggered at my appointment, in a very subtle way. At my previous midwife appointment we worked out a plan where I could ask to alternate care with OB and midwives in the practice, rather than doing only OB. I was told I would be 'allowed' to see the midwives if he, the OB, was in the office at the time of the appointment.
I asked about monitoring my blood glucose rather than taking the gestational diabetes test and he very begrudgingly told me maybe, if I tracked a couple days to show that I was doing okay on the glucose monitor (which I now need to dig up and make sure it works). In pressing to assert the kind of care I want and received with Elias last time, I was chided because my 'condition' was very serious and DVTs and bilateral PEs are not something to take lightly.
Fuck dude. I UNDERSTAND THAT. I just feel like all control has been taken from me. I'm trying to snatch it back in bits and pieces. Work with me, explain why, come up with a plan with me, don't just tell me what to do because I'm going to dig my heels in if you do.
Anyway, I asked to talk to Joanne, the other midwife, who was thankfully in the office that day. I explained a lot of this to her. And she got it. She talked me through some things that I was worried about (induction, mainly) and I did feel better at the end.
I don't know that they realized how serious this is to me. And how much Eric and I have been strategizing labor. We're laboring as much as we can at home. If we go in and are sent back we're going to just go and walk around a nearby mall depending on the weather. We're semi-seriously joking about delivering at the mall because we'll probably wait too long. Eric gets me and he's going to be an excellent advocate for me, just like he was with Kaylee. I trust him wholly and completely.
So, now excuse me while I go throw my middle fingers to the sky and all my medical care team, screaming FUCK YOU while I ride my horse.
Because they'd all have an aneurism if they found out.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Catch up in pictures
I was a bridesmaid in my sister in law's wedding at the end of October. Observe my ridiculous bulbous bouffant and make up. (macademia... gazebo!)
Kaylee was the most adorable flower girl ever.
I got a serger and my first project was making underwear for Kaylee
Since I reopened my right ear I decided to buy earrings to keep them open. Awesome funky purple earrings.
I voted in our local primary!
Kaylee demonstrated how good of a helper she is with feeding the critters.
She got her first ear infection.
We had unseasonably warm November days to play outside.
I went for a hike at the local nature center and enjoyed myself immensely.
I worked on my adult coloring
On chilly weekend mornings I enjoyed a hot cup of coffee and watching my critters.
We totally jumped the gun and reassembled the crib for Babydos. Note the future nursery mess.
We cleaned and slightly rearranged Kaylee's room.
I started sanding a changing table for the nursery that I found on a facebook swap page.
More adult coloring from my mandala book.
Kaylee wanted me to draw our family.
The cats steal my snoogle. Also proof that they get along for when they don't.
Eric entombed Kaylee in wood blocks, much to her delight.
I've been making leotards for Kaylee.
Gwyn oversees Eric's work on some organizational modifications we're making to the barn.
Like a spot to store plastic t-posts that I don't need in the winter.
And new shelving to keep the feed room part of my tack room better organized.
I took Gwyn for a walk and just about died from the effort of hiking through sand. Gwyn enjoyed getting out with other horses for our trail 'ride' with friends.
I got a huge blister for my efforts. I suspect hiking boots that no longer fit.
I got awesome fabric to make more clothes that are all about girl empowerment in STEM fields. This panel shown says "Experiment Like a Girl" and has a picture of Marie Curie. It will be for me. I have smaller ones for Kaylee as well as coordinating fabric.
The deer are cleaning up our windfall apples.
Kaylee fits in her locker at school.
She also insists on brushing her own hair after swimming in the 'inside pool'
We got our first snow storm of the season. Almost a foot of snow eventually fell!
Eric cleans my truck off for me.
Kaylee gives the baby hugs.
I enjoyed a cup of jesus hate (peppermint mocha, actually)
Selfies with Gwyn today
Kaylee wears her "Yeti Crab Sweater"
Selfie with Saffron
Nommy lunch
More selfies with my fuzzy beast
New, WARM boots!
Christmas decorating today
Lights in the window
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