Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Hell Yeah

After considering just not showing up, begging my body to get 'er done, and fantasizing about how rebellious I could be, I finally just gave in and decided to see how everything went. We had a solid plan for Kaylee care, so I knew that wouldn't be stressing me out as much as something last minute, and really Eric and I were ready for Hazel to arrive.

I showed up in labor and delivery at 6:30am as instructed, only for the registration lady to say "Oh, you were signed up for 7:30. Well, that's Ferrucci for you."

Thanks, Doc. I was anxious anyway and had woken up at 4 am to pee and just couldn't get back to sleep anyway. It was good I didn't need to delay the inevitable.

They did another ultrasound to confirm she was still head down and got my IV started for the pitocin. I was unhappy I was being given fluids and tried to get the resident to just let me drink and stay hydrated that way. Nope. Ice chips. I stared him down and took a drink of water and he backed away slowly, saying "I think I just lost. I'm not sure what I lost. But I lost..." Either way, Joanne came in later and said that pitocin needs to be diluted anyway, hence the fluids. Well gee, if the resident had said that BEFORE....  She got a chuckle out of the encounter.

Eric kept me in good spirits too, especially after he accurately described Ferrucci as Michael Cerra. IT'S SO TRUE!

Anyway, pit was started around 8 am and contractions didn't start immediately but when they did they were super mild and about 4 minutes apart. I had been told that it would increase by a unit every hour and I got grumpy when they popped me up to a 2 after only 45 minutes and then a 4 45 minutes after that. Ferrucci came in to talk to me about the game plan and immediately was talking membrane rupture, which I didn't want to do artificially. I don't like being on a timer. However, upon consideration, I realized that usually membrane rupture means labor gets going in earnest (even if that wasn't true my first time through) and it might mean that they wouldn't increase the pitocin, which was my bigger hope. I made sure to call in my doula at this point.

When Ferrucci broke my water at 12:25pm I was 3.5cm dilated and 70% effaced. Some progress from when I started, but not nearly enough.  As soon as my water broke, hell broke loose. Contractions got VERY strong, very quickly. Pitocin was at 8 units at this point and did not increase the rest of my labor. The doula and Eric together were invaluable to help me cope. I was everywhere, on the bed, on the ball, on the toilet, standing. I didn't want to stand/squat because my legs were shaking so much from the pitocin contractions that I didn't trust myself to remain standing during one. It was hard to remember to relax. Before my water was broken, my contraction strength on pitocin alone were what I recalled from transition with my non medicated labor with Kaylee.

A lot of low, deep vocalization helped, and doing semi-lunges on the birth ball. I definitely threw up,  a lot and could only think that when I was throwing up with Kaylee I was in transition but there was no way I was in transition at that point with Hazel. Total denial. Even the doula was telling me transition, but I don't think I wanted to get my hopes up. At the peak of transition I could feel my cervix opening, it pinched and was a different kind of pain from my uterus. Totally crazy weird. Apparently when I got up from the birth ball to use the toilet I had had my bloody show. Joanne said to look for it, it meant I was around 7 cm dilated. I kept trying to pee while on the toilet, but every time I was ready to get the stream going, a contraction would start and I couldn't do it.

It was getting really hard for me to relax between and save my strength. Tiffany (doula) suggested I try laying on my side on the bed. I was hoping it would help reduce the pain. No luck. At this point I was begging for it all to be over. In my head I was seriously thinking that an epidural might not be a bad idea at this point. In contractions I was feeling better when I bore down and kind of pushed, but again was convincing myself it was all in my head and just a frantic urge to have it all be over.

There started to be a lot of activity in the room and Joanne came in to do a cervical check, my second the whole day. I was at an 8/9. Wait. What?! Hearing that, and then hearing Tiffany describe how there was a ton more activity in the room, they were bringing in the warmer and were gowning up, it helped bolster me. I could handle this a little bit longer.  Joanne wanted me to switch sides I was on because I was more dilated on one side due to how I was laying. She told me, just a couple of contractions on the other side. The pit was turned down to 4.

I dutifully switched. I was hanging onto the bed bars like they could save me and had my eyes squeezed shut. Bearing down kept feeling better and better.

I couldn't tell you exactly what made me do it, but I had a REALLY big urge to be on my hands and knees. I was convinced that was going to be a better position to handle the contractions. I wanted the damn hospital gown OFF.

Being on my hands and knees, those contractions changed. I was still bearing down through them, but instead of my whole lower belly just aching and aching, I felt like I needed to poop. I even announced it, "I'm pooping..."  and several people, nurse, doula, midwife, all responded, "No that's a baby."  Joanne had me stick my ass in the air like a modified child's pose in yoga. I complied, no fucks were being given at that point, and she did one last cervix check. I very ferally screamed at her into a pillow because it FUCKING HURT and I had no idea what she was doing. Apparently she was stretching one tiny lip of cervix out of the way during a contraction.

Then, each contraction, I was pushing and I could feel Hazel moving down and feel myself stretching out. It's the darnedest thing. And as before, it felt so fucking good. It felt like worthwhile effort. And it was kind of crazy because it was a bit automatic, kind of like when you start throwing up and you're stuck in a vicious cycle of heaving one after the other. I would push, and need to push again and push again. But I could feel her coming and oh that gave me strength.

I did get the ring of fire this time as I stretched. Joanne cautioned me to watch it, to not go too fast. So I tried to push with less frantic energy, to control how much. I could feel myself stretch and was torn between getting her head out or preserving my vagina and vulva. Somehow, both won out. Her head came, and then she needed to turn and her shoulders stretched me again but not nearly as much. Then the rest of her body and it was slippery relief. Adrenaline just coursed through me and I was shaking.

Eric helped me rip the rest of the gown off as we carefully maneuvered me onto my back without getting tangled up in the still pulsing umbilical cord. Amniotic fluid poured out onto the bed, but I wasn't bleeding. Kaylee was handed to me and I snuggled her while we waited for the cord to pulse. Eric said her face was blue when she was crowning but she pinked right up, scoring 8/8 for Apgar. She had a set of lungs that she made use of right away.

Eric cut the cord once it pulsed down and I let Hazel go be measured and weighed immediately so I could have uninterrupted snuggle time. They cleaned up all the puppy pads and I delivered my placenta. It was complete with no pieces left inside and the nurse brought me warmed blankets for my legs. I was shivering and shaking still. I was told to not fight it, just let it happen, otherwise it would last longer.

Hazel came back. She looks a little like her big sister did, but with the old man bags under her eyes and not nearly as plump, vorpal cheeks as Kaylee had. I think Eric and I were both hoping for more vorpal cheeks. LOL

Hazel Ophelia 8 lb 2.9 oz, 20 3/4 inches long. Bigger than her sister was

We declined a bath and erythromycin for her eyes but she did get her Vitamin K shot and Hep B. I snuggled her for a bit and DAMN that kid had head control immediately! She was bobbing for boob from the start and latched beautifully on both sides.

Eric snuggled her and I got up to pee and take a shower. The bathroom looked like a murder scene when I was finished, LOL.

Very relieved and happy to be done. Elated that I fucking did pitocin with no pain meds, holy fuck

After the shower was more snuggles and Eric alerted family with pictures and text. She was born at 3:46 pm and we invited family over anytime after 6pm.  Both of us ordered dinner from room service and that felt amazing to eat. I had stuffed shells and chocolate cake. I was famished.

Big sister Kaylee holding Hazel for the first time

Grandma and Hazel

When Kaylee came in she was so excited! She gave me a hug and immediately wanted to see Hazel and hold her. She was so gentle and just genuinely happy. She was less happy when she found out that I would not be going home with her that night.

We had a ton of people in the room for around an hour. Grandma and her husband, step sister Olivia and her boyfriend Rahul (they brought us an edible arrangement, which I personally believe was the best idea ever) and Elyse and Brandon who brought Kaylee.

I just chilled, Hazel got passed around a bit and soon everyone headed out. Eric took Kaylee home and I was left at the hospital with Hazel.

It was a bit of a rough night, though I don't know what Eric could have done. I just tried to sleep when I could. Hazel was taken for her hearing screen at midnight so I slept while she was gone and don't remember her being brought back, just waking to hear her cry and nursing her. I was naughty and coslept in the hospital bed because I just... couldn't do it any other way. I got my first blood thinner shot at 4:30, a little over 12 hours after birth as planned. As the sun rose, I finally decided to get out the ring sling and wrap Hazel up on me so I could sleep and hold her at the same time. She wanted to look out the window, then she passed out. She likes to look and be upright. I got a little more rest.

So tired

Dressed to go home!

Judy visited with me in the morning, which was nice. There were a few more tests through the day and Hazel needed to be retested for hearing, which was not successful because she likes to snuggle and I wasn't with her. Eric brought Kaylee down after preschool as the plan was that I would be discharged around 4-4:30.  Hazel wasn't brought back until around 5 and then we had to wait for paperwork and patient transport. Transport got mixed up, but eventually we were all on the way home, exhausted and a family of 4.

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