Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Emotional Stability

When Eric and I discussed moving to Michigan one of our concerns was the lag period, the time we're in now, where we're not in our own space, the horse hasn't arrived and the social circle is not yet replaced. Several years ago now, I had a bad period where, looking back, I was depressed. We were both worried that I might regress with this move. Today was a day where I can admit, out loud, that yes, I see myself getting more and more depressed. There is so much that is out of my control right now and I'm struggling day to day.

 This week is especially hard because Kaylee is on spring break from her Montessori school so I don't have any opportunities for mental breaks through the day. I didn't want to leave the house yesterday and it was more harmful than beneficial. A toddler should not be contained.

 Between selling the house and house hunting, I'm stressed. We just signed paperwork to lower the asking price on the WA house and that's not a happy thing to do, but if we want it sold we need to attract buyers and get more views of the house.

 My MIL is starting to exert more control over her house, despite not living in it. We have been asked to keep the heat low, get a storage pod and move all extra boxes into the garage. Eric suspects that she is going to want to show the house to potential buyers, so if the house is sold, we'll be out of a place to stay. While that's not a huge risk at the moment, it's nonetheless a potential scenario that we need to discuss and plan for.

 I've yet to find new friends who are free during the week. Algonac has shit for things to do, so I have to travel further and look farther afield to find activities for Kaylee. One mom's group rejected me for not attending any of their events when I'd only put in for a trial for a week (their rules stated there was a 30 day window). I do have two online friends in the area, for which I am extremely grateful. I've met both of them in person now, one at the zoo and the other for the maple syrup festival.

 Kaylee has had some issues falling asleep so Eric and I tag team sitting with her until she's asleep so that's cutting into our adult time to just talk, forget about sex.

 We saw the top of the list house on Saturday and I'm in love. I really want to be able to make an offer, more than anything right now. I want our own space.

 I have been working out pretty regularly, which is good! But I'm not seeing a change at the scale, and that's not helping my mood at all.

And we've been trying to conceive for a year now, officially, with no success.  

So, things I've done to proactively work on my mood:

Today I took Kaylee to an indoor play area and rather than going home after we were done, we went to the nearby metropark with the kickass playground AND took a 3/4 mile walk. Then minor retail therapy at Play it Again Sports where I found toddler size soccer cleats. ADORABLE. Kaylee starts soccer at the end of the month and I'm excited!

Being outside today definitely helped me feel better. I need to promise myself to get outside every day.

Tomorrow we're going to a different metropark that has a farm and a 'meet the babies' every morning. That's more for me than Kaylee, but she'll enjoy it and it will get us out of the house.  Thursday we're meeting Elyse (online Mom friend) at her house for coffee. Her daughter will be at school, but Kaylee will be able to run wild in the house and play with toys.

Sunday Grandma is taking Kaylee for the whole day. Eric and I plan to have a nice long Skype DnD session with WA friends. Grandma does not know this is why we wanted child sitting.

I am going to try and get a massage next week while Kaylee is in school. And maybe start moving some of my horse stuff in to the new barn.

I also have my solo camping trip to volunteer for an endurance ride coming up in less than 2 weeks. I am excited about that, except I can't find my hiking boots. Grr.

Most everything else is out of my control, so I'm going to focus on things that I can do for myself. I'm also going to make an appointment to see an OB and talk about fertility.

I was supposed to fly back in May to assist with a horse show at Hollywood Hill Saddle Club. It was going to be the Hunter Jumper's first judged show. We'd previously done only fun shows where you pay for a round in the ring to practice with a jump course. (Notice I still say we... can't help myself)  That show got moved to July because the ride organizer, my friend Jan, broke her leg. I had already purchased my flight before I even moved to Michigan and she didn't let me know early enough to avoid the fee for changing/cancelling my flight. I had thought that I might not be able to make the new date but Eric cleared that up today, so I'll be able to return to WA in July for a day or so to help with the show anyway! That helped cheer me up today.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you're having a rough time, but I'm glad you're able to recognise it and be proactive in addressing it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that this rough patch is short and quickly smoothed over... which almost sounds like I'm minimizing your experience but I trust you know me well enough to know otherwise.

    If there's anything I can do from a different country (listen, for example), don't hesitate to let me know.